Transform your life through acts of Self-Love.
Self doubt has been a challenge of mine since I can remember, coming from a place of not feeling good enough. Over the years it has gotten a little less and a little less as I have continued to explore within and create the space for myself to step into a new, expanded version of myself again, again and again.
As I began to open myself to a new way of being, I began to step out of my comfort zone, I started to see and feel the emotional wounds being held in my body. With that came a vast array of human emotions, for so long I had been in this dulled state, a depressed state. I wasn't sure if I was depressed, I didn't really know what that was. I shifted into feeling intense highs and intense lows, one day I was super motivated with big ideas hitting my left, right and centre, and the next I didn't want to get out of bed. At times I felt bi-polar and confused.
As a new idea would strike I would get all hyped up, ready to take on the world and then in came the self doubt, either internally or someone in my external reality would spark it. Either way I was creating this, I was bringing it forth, the self doubt was deeply embedded in my subconscious and was running the show. With this self doubt came mass amounts of anxiety. I would receive a brand new idea, I would feel this rush of excitement with waves of passion and determination. I'd start to move towards making this idea a reality and I'd get knocked off my feet with anxiety, self-doubt, fear, it would completely consume me and for a time I would beat around the bush doing frivolous things and avoid the big steps needed to make this idea a reality. I would lose momentum, nothing was happening fast enough, its like I was planting the seeds and then not watering or tending to them, I was weeding around the plants and wondering why they weren't growing and coming to fruition. Eventually I would sink into a depressed state and give up, feeling defeated and like I just wasn't good enough, strong enough, smart enough, and so on. These limiting beliefs I was holding onto would haunt me and were controlling the reality I was experiencing.
I realise now what I needed was self-love.
But what even is self-love? I had no idea this was something I had to give to myself. I looked everywhere else for this love that I craved. I searched high, I searched low, I searched next door, at the bar, the club, at every event I went to, every weekend out but it was non-existent. When I thought I had found it in a guy, a hobby, new idea, a friend it would quickly turn on me and go up in flames. The relationship would end, the hobby would become boring, the night outs ended in tears. I was lost, confused, sad and deeply, deeply hurt and times the pain felt so unbearable. I didn't know where to turn or who to turn to.
It has taken me years, countless books, seminars, workshops, courses, life experiences ("good" & "bad"), leaps of faith, learning to follow my intuition, learning to trust to arrive here... Where I finally know that what I needed then, what I need now in times of flow and in times of struggle is Self-Love! What I have been looking for all this time has been INSIDE ME ALL ALONG! #HolyCowMoment ... No one can tell you this either, it's something you need to learn for yourself. I can sit here writing this blog post sharing these ideas with you but you won't know them as truth until you learn it through your own life experience until you feel it at the core of your being. These words can plant the seeds but you need to tend to that garden, to nourish those seeds, help them to grow, it's all up to you. YOU are the co-creator of your reality, the question is what part of you is in the drivers seat calling the shots? Is your subconscious driving your reality? Are the emotional wounds in your cellular body creating the life you're experiencing? Or are you expanding your awareness, your consciousness, are you taking steps to learn, grow, heal, and evolve so that you are able to consciously co-create your life. I say co-creator as I believe we are co-creating with the Universe, as we are here to learn, grow and evolve, sometimes we need certain experiences to push us in this direction. The Universe will offer different life experiences, very commonly challenging experiences which help us to evolve. In many if not all stories people share there has been invaluable times of struggle, pain, challenge that has moved us into expansion, these times were the catapult in rising up into a new expanded version of ourselves. These hardships are VITAL! It's through these where I have learnt the most INVALUABLE lessons.
But sometimes these hard times feel so unbearable we just don't know how we will continue on...
So I'm going to share with you some things I have found along the way to help when the self doubt comes, the anxiety, depression, fear, panic, what to do when you feel yourself shutting down, disassociating and returning to a place of "autopilot".
When we shut ourselves down as a way to protect ourselves or to stop ourselves feeling the "negative" feelings,
we also shut ourselves off from feeling the "good" feelings
and we walk around in this kind of zombie state, dulled, unmotivated, depressed, disassociated, bored, disinterested, aloof... So I'm going to share with you the different tools and practices I found helped me along my journey. There have been times where I stopped doing these practices and either swapped them for something else or went into a bit of a dark night and the soul where I stopped doing any of these things which actually made things harder but there was a lot to learn and gain from moving through those phases.
My initial awakening led me to a book store in Perth, The Blue Buddha, where I picked up my first spiritual book, The Celestine Prophecy. This shifted my timeline big time, from there I read many books on spirituality and personal growth. Reading about different concepts, ways of being, and hearing other peoples stories gave me hope and sense that I wasn't alone. If you're struggling in this now moment, listen to the stories of other beings here on the earth plane that have been in similar struggles, see how they navigated the situations, know that you're not alone and you to can get through this!
Reading expanded my mind, opened me to new possibilities, gave me HOPE, and a sense I wasn't alone in what I was feeling and experiencing. I started to feel and acknowledge that I wasn't the depression I was feeling and I have the power to shift my way of being and ultimately SHIFT MY LIFE!
Movement... I was never much of an active kid, I hated physical education in school, I frequently had a note to get me out of participating, the best thing about being a girl was that time of the month where I had a legitimate excuse for not participating. But as I awakened I was more and more called towards movement. I started in the gym with a friend and quickly found myself craving more, the increase of energy flowing through my being was INCREDIBLE! I felt happier, energised, clear, balanced, healthy, motivated, it was amazing. Next I found yoga and then hot yoga, ahh I was in love. I started pole dancing and got into the lyra. I started enjoying running, cycling, swimming, hiking... This was a whole NEW me!
Exercise is vital for our human body, USE IT OR LOSE IT MY FRIEND. The human body needs regular movement to maintain a healthy flow of life force energy, to keep us strong, balanced, and healthy. Staying flexible and strong helps to prevent injury. Movement increases the production of happy chemicals, helping to keep our mood balanced, mental clarity, honestly you just feel so much better, what else can I say. Sometimes when you're in a low emotional state it can feel impossible to get yourself out of bed or you've had a long day at work and the last thing you want to do is exercise. Taking that first step is usually the hardest, but once you take it, the next step is a little bit easier and the next a little more easier and before you know it you're moving.
Move in a way that feels GOOD! Walk, dance, swim, run, join a class, go with friends, join a gym or go to the park, clear some space at home and stretch and move at home. GET CREATIVE! Don't do something because you feel you have to and hate every minute, try different things until your find something you enjoy, there's something for you, trust that.
Nourishing, nutritional foods. I'm not talking about diets here, diets suck, telling yourself what you can and can't eat makes you resent the food you feel you should have and crave the stuff you shouldn't have. Let's just play here... Try different foods, journal what makes you feel good in your body and what doesn't. When you start to associate nutritional foods with good feelings you'll want more of it. Now keep in mind that chocolate might feel good in the moment but how does it make you feel afterwards and that initial good feeling how long does that last compared to the after effects? This isn't to say you can never have chocolate but ask yourself in each moment am I eating this from a place of pleasure and joy or am I eating to avoid feeling "negative" things, is it a defence mechanism? Or alcohol... how does this feel in your body, how do you act after a drink or two or five? Are you drinking to excess to escape or are you enjoying a class of red wine, experiencing the 5 senses, exploring the different flavours, feeling the love and passion someone has put into their grapes, is it a pleasurable experience or an escape?
I tried different "diets" and food lifestyles, watched different documentaries and have come to realise I just don't fit into a box, never have. People ask are you vegetarian, are you vegan, are you this, are you that... My response "I'm just me... I enjoy this, I enjoy that, I go with what feels good in every given moment." We have this need to label ourselves and others rather than acknowledging that we're all unique and what works for me may or may not work for you. Sometimes I fall into the trap of eating/drinking from a place of escape but I find more and more the voice within asks questions like "Is this really what you want? How is this making you feel? What are the other options?", from here I can shift my perspective, come back to awareness and make a new conscious decision that is better for me, my body and my mind. So remember to ask YOU and you alone what feels good in YOUR body, not what works for your neighbour or for the person you follow on Instagram or youtube.
Meditation has been a massive part of my journey, a practice I have stopped and started time and time again. Many feel "I can't meditate" and this can be due to the misconceptions of what it means to meditate. Meditation to me is simply just being. This can be in silence, listening to music, going for a walk, listening to a guided meditation, visualisation, following the breath, cooking, art, dance, yoga, watching the waves at the beach. Meditation is so vast but it has been put in a box which is hard for many to access, thinking they have to stop the constant thinking of the mind. I'm going to let you in on a little secret... The mind doesn't stop thinking... THAT'S WHAT IT DOES! Don't get fixated on trying to stop it, you end up in this never ending game of back and forth. Just let the mind think. The trick is to not get caught up in the thoughts, to not attach to the thoughts, to be in a state of allowing, accepting. Become the observer. As you switch from being the thoughts to being the one observing the thoughts you enter a place of calm and that's where the magic happens. You can try different guided meditations, there's an abundance of them online nowadays, you can try a class or you can find out what you love to do and spend more time doing that. Meditation is being present in the now, you'll likely find that when you're doing what you love you're in the present moment.
These are all forms of self-love.
I didn't know it at the time but as these practices entered my life they were different forms of self-love. When you shift your focus from your external world to you, in a positive, nurturing away, you are giving and receiving Love. There are so many ways you can take care of you, the list is ABUNDANT! So I won't be listing everything in this post. These are just a few of the constants in my life that I always find myself coming back to...
When I'm feeling low, stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, ungrounded, unsupported, lost, confused... I stop... I take a breath... I tune in... And I ask myself...
When's the last time I enjoyed some conscious movement? (yoga, walking, dance, etc)
What foods have I been eating? How are they affecting my state of being?
Am I meditating regularly? If not, when's the last time I meditated? How can I prioritise this?
When's the last time I read something that really got my energies flow? Something that nourished my soul, expanded my mind, opened my heart? Is there a book I've been meaning to get around to? Or a book a friend can recommend?
If you're not a reader... Is there an audiobook, podcast, youtube channel I can tune into?
When you come back to you, when you redirect your time, energy and resources to you, your life will CHANGE INSTANTANEOUSLY!
Give yourself the ULTIMATE GIFT! Your Love.