First Steps into Motherhood.

Where do I begin...

Motherhood is no piece of cake, that's for sure. I'm not sure what I was expecting to be honest but it's a lot more challenging than I was prepared for, but then again is there really any way of preparing for motherhood or is it one of those things you jump into and learn as you go? I'm not sure but that's how it's been for me.

My pregnancy wasn't planned, he surprised us both when we took that test and found out he was on his way. I was in deep denial and shock for the first few months, around the second trimester I started to bring my head above water and accept the circumstances. It's not that I didn't want to be a mother, I do and I have wanted to be a mother (some day) since I was a kid (like 12 or 14), it's just that I still feel like a kid, I have't finished growing up, some day was always in the future, and now that day is now, here, in the present. (OMG!)

My initial thoughts were I haven't "fixed" myself yet, I'm not healed, whole, and therefore I'm not ready to be someone's mother. I haven't learned all the things that I envisioned myself teaching my little one. But the thing is, we never stop learning, there's always going to be something else I want to learn, to work on, areas I feel I need to work on. After coming into acceptance that I was pregnant I received the message that perhaps it's not for me to teach this little being coming into my life everything I think I and he should know, perhaps he's coming here to be my biggest teacher, and to be a good mother all I need to do is love him unconditionally and do my best in every given moment. Now my best may not always be "the best" but it's acknowledging the fact that we're all human, we have "good" days and challenging days. Days where we are so completely exhausted, drained, and our cup is so empty we may unintentionally project our frustration at those we love. Doesn't make it right, but it also doesn't make us the villain. I believe it's about doing your best in every given moment, and when your best isn't quite as high as you've put your standards, perhaps you just need to take a few moments, breathe, forgive yourself, love yourself, find ways to fill your cup so it can overflow to your loved ones. Notice those times where you lose yourself in the exhaustion, frustration, in the challenging times and when the moment has passed and you're in a calmer state of mind ask yourself "What could I do differently next time? What do I need in order to fill my cup so that I am able to give more lovingly? How could I navigate this situation differently, with more compassion and love for myself and my loved ones?". We're not always going to get it "right", we can only do our best from a heart centred place.

This part of my journey has felt like the longest year of my life. It's been filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, times where I have felt I don't know up from down, so dizzy and overwhelmed I don't know who or where I am or what I'm doing. It's also been the most rewarding year of my life... Isn't that just the funniest thing?

This past year has come with many surprises... Living in a new country, staying much longer than I had planned, exploring new realms within my relationship, a pregnancy and unexpected birth experience, motherhood, a new business, finally working for myself and actually enjoying it, building my own little community that fills me with joy, covid and lockdowns which in itself has had it's ups and downs, the intense amount of lessons and insights, the shifts in consciousness... WOW! As I write all of this I truly realise just how BIG this last year has been for me and I'm sure many of you as well. Hi5! to all of us for making it through, wipe off the sweat, take a breath, and get ready for another MASSIVE year, hello 2021.

I still can't get my head around that I have a little one, this has been just a dream for so many years filled with wonder of "Is this ever gonna happen?". I look at my little one in such awe and amazement. He truly is the most magical, mystical, angelic being I've ever met here on the earth plane. Each day meets me with unconditional love, challenge and usually exhaustion, as well as surprise "Another poo? Seriously?! How does something so small pump out so much poop?!!", absolutely hilarious, don't remember the last time in my life I laughed so much. I'm absolutely exhausted, constantly overwhelmed, and completely overjoyed I almost don't know how to handle it... almost. I know that the Universe doesn't give you anything you can't handle, this little gift from God was given to us at the perfect time because we can handle this and anything else that comes our way. I'm so grateful for my family even when I'm too exhausted to express it.

Everyone does Motherhood differently...

We are all unique and have our own ideas, beliefs, and ways of doing Mum Life. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who had the delusion that I would be able to go back to some kind of "norm" post birth. My old self had died, my old life had ended and I had entered a whole new world. In spite of this I felt myself clinging to that old life, getting angry and frustrated that I couldn't have a second alone, I couldn't just jump in the car and do my own thing for even an hour some days. I felt this intense amount of responsibility heavy on my shoulders. I felt lack of support and was missing my family terribly although I wouldn't let myself admit it. the first week post labour was one of, if not THE hardest week of my life. And the weeks that followed haven't been easy either, as soon as I feel I'm catching my breath I'm met with new challenges and I'm back in the deep end again. So what do you do...? I can only speak of my own experience and share what I'm currently doing to help me through this time.

I'm taking the opportunities when they arise to spend time alone. Getting the little one sorted in the morning, changed, fed and back in daddy's arms for some more sleep while momma heads out for a coffee and a walk or journaling, or here at the cafe writing this blog post. Sometimes it's passing him over to his Grandma so I can have a few minutes, half an hour or if I'm lucky an hour to myself. It has been such a blessing to have people close to me to help by taking my bundle of joy for a few moments so I can catch my breath and do some much needed self care.

It's also good to have a think of what reality you want to be living, to brainstorm the kind of life you envision for yourself and your family. I knew my life was going to change dramatically having a baby, I didn't know just how dramatically or just hadn't completely accepted this fact, but I also knew I didn't want to live the "typical" family life, I wanted to be different and I wanted to still do things that I wanted to do and what I felt was best for my family. This has always included travel, the business I have wanted to build for the last 5 years but wasn't quite sure how or where to start took off during my pregnancy, unexpectedly. just 6 or so months later here we are and we have quite the journey and much travel ahead of us. Recently we attended Lunasa Festival, a family friendly music and healing arts festival. We took our little one at just 7 weeks to the festival and were camping for 10 days, it wasn't easy to say the least, but we made it work by working together. This was just the first step, a learning process for us, heading towards a much bigger picture. And here we are now putting together a tour around the North Island of NZ, offering our incredible workshops, working together as a family, doing what we love. I've really had to stop and take a moment to realise everything I've wanted for the past 5 or 6 years is finally coming to fruition, I honestly was losing hope that any of this was going to happen for me but now here we are. Wow.

I feel like going away to this Festival only a couple weeks ago really showed me my strength, stamina, resilience, how big my heart is, how powerful I really am within, how much I can really help others and be of service. I felt a sense of community and family here in NZ with people I'd only just met, it was incredible. I realised that I can live my dream life even though it's a little different in reality than what I had originally envisioned, it's a little harder, it's overwhelming, but so frickin rewarding. I can truly have it all and so can all of us, whether you're a mum, a dad, a business owner, or none of the above whatever your circumstances you can design your life exactly as you desire it to be. It's time to take the Quantum Leap.

Are you also a new mum or dad?

What challenges are you experiencing?

How are you coping with these?

What are your solutions or self care practices?

What helps you get through the day?

I truly want to know... Comment below or send me an email. Share the love by sharing your experiences moving into parenthood.

My Personal Self Care Practices

Take your opportunities for alone time when they arise, don't wait, take it!

Meditation, even if it's only a couple of minutes of breathing, alone or with your baby.

Yoga, keep that body moving, through pregnancy and post labour I have felt so much change physically, tightness, pain, tension, decreased strength, exhaustion, collapse in different muscles. Yoga helps increase flexibility, strength, circulation, clarity of mind, and so much more. Again, even just a few minutes or a few stretches can make a huge difference for you.

Walking, alone or with your little one, go for regular walks, whether that's into town or out in nature, your body needs to move.

Gratitude, get yourself a gratitude journal and make an effort to write in it daily, even if its just one thing your grateful for. When you're overwhelmed and exhausted, frustrated or angry, anxious or stressed, come back to gratitude. Acknowledge just how much you have to be grateful for, this will help you to relax, to ease your mind, and to open your heart.

For me I really ached to get back to work, perhaps because it felt like a little break to clear my head and reenergise me. I didn't dive back into heavy work or long hours, but just an hour here and there. For example, I started my yoga classes back up, one class a week, that's only 75 minutes, this was at about 4 weeks postpartum and it really helped me. Follow your intuition and what feels right for you. I'm now about 9 weeks postpartum and am working a little more but again not excessively, following my intuition on a weekly basis and taking on what feels right, which differs week to week.

A change in food intake, for me I have a certain lifestyle (or diet) that works best for me and I haven't been following that, this year I am making the effort to transition back to my ideal lifestyle for personal optimal health, we're all different so I won't go into my preferences, instead I invite you to explore yours... Start noticing what foods agree and disagree with you, try out some new vitamins or different foods and just notice what lifts you up, what makes you feel lighter in your body, what makes you feel heavier, how are your emotions when you consume these different products. A journal would really help with this exercise, overtime you'll notice a pattern and can create your own lifestyle rather than following some strict diet.

WATER!! Are you drinking enough water? I tend to struggle with this one, I get busy or distracted and forget to drink water, at the end of the day I have no idea how much I've had but I do know it's nowhere near enough. Get an app or a journal to track this.

I've noticed since birthing my baby I've lost my appetite, I don't feel like eating most of the time, and I don't feel hungry until late in the day. In the beginning I was eating routinely, almost forcing breakfast, lunch, and dinner because I felt that's how often I was meant to eat. The past month or so I've started following my body's guidance and wisdom, having a smoothie full of healthy goodness, usually late morning and then having late lunch/early dinner. Again this is personal to you, it's what's working for me at the moment and I suspect it will change day to day as it has been. But no longer am I forcing food down just because I feel I'm meant to be eating more because that's what I was used to prior to birthing and even prior to pregnancy. Trust your body.

Socialise. I enjoy my own company and haven't really ever been the social butterfly even when I've desperately wanted to be. But I have encouraged myself to catch up with friends during pregnancy and postpartum, even when I haven't really felt like it, and it has actually been really beneficial, having support from friends and being able to chat and clear my mind has been amazing, and I'm so grateful to all of those lovely beings in my life, I thank you all.

Communicate... this is a biggy. Communication has always been a struggle for me, and especially trying to get the "right" message across, what I actually mean. Luckily for me my partner has a lot of patience. Communicate to yourself, your partner, your loved ones, what you need. What do you need to feel supported, what do you need to help you through these challenging times. This will change so continue to communicate with those around you, letting them know what you need and when it changes, as much as we think they can or should be able to... They cannot read our minds.

And I'll leave it there for today. Hope this information was helpful and I hope you enjoyed reading a little about my journey into motherhood.

Leave a comment below and share what challenges you're currently experiencing in life, parent related or not, what do you do to move through and support you in your journey?