The importance of self-love.
A little bit about me and my journey to self-love...
For most of my adolescence I felt depressed, I was in a constant state of "poor me", living in Victimhood. I was absolutely miserable, I hated life and I felt as though someone had intentionally put me here to suffer. I thought about ending my life many times but I was too afraid. I was living in fear, fear to speak up, to be myself, to let others in, to let others know what was going on inside of me, fear of standing out, of being seen, fear of never being heard, of never being accepted, loved, of being enough, and the list goes on.
One day around the age of 19 I had had enough, I felt there had to be more to life than this and so I asked God/The Universe/The Divine, whatever you want to call it, I asked for something to live for, I was finally asking for help. It was either that day or the next when my sister popped over and mentioned she was going to The Blue Buddha, I felt urged to tag along and so I did. One book in particular stood out for me, "The Celestine Prophecy". Everything about this book spoke to me, I had never been so engrossed in a book. From there this shift happened within me, it was so significant, I shifted direction and embarked on one amazing and painful adventure. Along the way I realised just how important self-love truly is. I realised how much I was lacking in those adolescent years, I was waiting, hoping, BEGGING for others to give me that love, to tell me I was good enough, to accept me, when what I really needed was to give all of that to myself, to deem myself worthy.
Your reality is determined by you and you alone, yes there will be circumstances and situations in you cannot dictate or change but you can choose how you respond. I believe every situation is mixed up of good and bad, ying and yang, you can't have one without the other, you can choose to acknowledge the good and bad and notice the opportunities within any and all situations. By choosing your response consciously with an open heart, you open yourself to receive, you create space to manifest beautiful things, experiences, and people into your life. When I was in my adolescence I was living in a constant state of fear, this fear kept my heart closed and shielded, keeping everyone at a distance. I was afraid of not being good enough, of not being accepted and loved and so that became my reality. I attracted people into my life who treated me poorly, I was bullied, I had those fake "friends" and I spent a lot of time feeling completely alone and isolated. By learning and continuously practicing to open my heart I have been able to attract people into my life who love and accept me for me.
The reason, for me and I'm sure for many others to, for remaining closed is that opening your heart comes with a feeling of vulnerability and the fear that an open heart means we are at risk of being hurt. Opening my heart also allows me to feel the pain of others and the pain we feel as a collective which I find so intense and crippling at times, it can also bring up past traumas which can be very scary. When you bury parts of yourself, emotions, experiences, the only way to keep them at bay is by keeping your heart closed, as soon as you start to open these will come up, like opening Pandora's box. But there is a reason they are coming up, they are rising up for you to release, by feeling these trapped emotions you create space for beautiful experiences to occur, you create space where you feel free, where you can feel joy, maybe for the very first time. At the bottom of Pandora's box, once of the pain and negativity is released is this glowing light of pure blissful joy, like you've never experienced, and that is what awaits you once you learn to feel what you have been avoiding. Like the lotus flower that starts by growing through mud, moving through water and then finally blossoming, we also have to move through mud, our times of struggle, the challenges that help us to grow and learn what we came here to learn. We must also grow through water, dealing with emotional turmoil, the ups and downs, the constant whirlwinds, the pain and and the bliss. But know that everyday, step by step, we blossom just a little bit more, we grow just a little bit more and we become more and more beautiful as we allow that inner light to shine through even in our darkest of times. There will be times when you want to grab that shield and place it over your heart, there will be times of opening and times of closing your heart, we are working a muscle here, when you go to the gym your muscles will experience soreness and then once that passes you will notice increased strength, when you practice yoga you will feel your muscles lengthen and then the next day they will tighten up and then release again, over time your flexibility increases. It's the same thing here, we open our hearts and we begin to feel and then maybe we close back up and take time to process and reflect and over time with practice you will notice your heart opening more and more just like a beautiful lotus flower. And just like the gym or yoga when you stop you start to lose the progress you made, but getting back into it there's a muscle memory and sometimes it might feel difficult getting back into and sometimes it will feel like riding a bike, be patient with yourself. Just know that although this can be a confronting and painful process, the rewards are so worth it, the freedom you feel moving through this process is like nothing else.
Self-love is so important, unfortunately not a lot of us are taught the importance or how to incorporate it in our life, I believe it should be something we do everyday just like having a shower, brushing our teeth, earning an income, feeding our body, it's just as important as all the other things we need to survive in this world. It does require patience, understanding, compassion, and constant practice. It's not something you do once and then your done, it's not something you do for the period of a course you may be taking, there is no end date. This will be something you will need to practice for the rest of your days. It's learning to be that best friend you've always longed for, for yourself. If you were to stop putting the effort in your relationships with others they would cease to exist. Just like the effort you put into those relationships, you need to put effort into your relationship with yourself, filling your own cup first will allow you to give abundantly to others, you cannot give from an empty cup my friend. For so long something always felt empty inside of me, like something was missing and I swear to you that something was and sometimes still is... Self-love.