Freedom from judgement.

I've always had challenges with speaking my truth, I notice this showing up in my body, especially in my jaw. My jaw is regularly clenched, sometimes without me noticing for some time, my jaw clenches while I'm sleeping, while I'm working, and just in daily life. When I met my fiance` I was given the opportunity to put in practice speaking my truth, the opportunity to ask for what I wanted, to opportunity to rediscover my voice. It was hard at first but luckily I found someone who is so patient, supportive, and never pressured me or judged me in those times of silence when I really struggled to speak. In times where I was trying with all my mite to speak he encouraged and helped me through it, really amazing. In the past I've been judged for my silence and difficulty speaking up, judged by my family, peers, teachers, and the guys I dated which just made it that much harder.

As great as my partner is in helping me with this challenge, I still had this struggle that ran deep with emotional fears of being shut down, judged, being proven wrong, of not being accepted or loved because of what I had to say or what I chose to believe, what I wanted to share. This inner battle of wanting to speak up and the fear of what speaking up would bring was awful, it was physically, mentally, and emotionally painful.

Late last year I attended a BBTRS breathwork retreat and for the first time I really found my voice, I found my power, I was able to release all of this trauma, tension, fear, guilt, and shame from my body. I felt brand new. Words can't begin to explain how powerful this retreat was for me. Unfortunately when I returned home I wasn't sure how to sustain this level of vibration with people that weren't on the same level so I chose to lower my vibration in order to connect with my parents when they came to visit. I've always felt like kind of the the "black sheep" of the family, a little different, and no matter how much I tried to fit in, I just didn't. As I started coming out my shell and I began learning new meanings of life, discovering new puzzle pieces, new ways of living, a lot of it was just wasn't comprehensible to my family, I felt like a "weirdo". I thought I was okay with it because this new teachings made me feel good, made me feel like I could live the life I truly wanted to live and not repeat the life of my parents. I love them dearly but I wanted more for myself, more out of life, more for my future kids. I wanted more for them and I planned to prove just how possible it all was.

Even though this high vibrational feeling of love and openness and ecstasy didn't last a believe a small part of it did and will always remain within me. I experienced being fully alive, fully open, I learned to fully accept myself, my past, my "mistakes", I learned that it's okay to be me, that I can forgive myself and those who have hurt me, that I am worthy of love, I am more than good enough and always have been. That will always stay with me and my voice will continue to grow stronger each and every day. What I do know is that this constant clenching in my jaw that I experience is a message, a message that I have something to share that is being held inside out of fear. So here I am, facing that fear by sharing my story and my hopes for this world...

We are all on a journey, a constant journey, not to find a quick fix for our "problems" but a journey that takes you high and low, a journey that teaches you, that challenges you, that rewards you. All experience is beautiful and all experience is necessary. Many of us are looking for ways we can experience all the good without the bad but it doesn't work like that... And why is it judged to be bad anyway? Isn't it the tough times that showed you just how strong you really are? Isn't it those times of suffering that taught you the most powerful lessons of all? That taught you how to appreciate the good times? How would we even know what's good if we didn't associate something with bad? I feel it's time to move from this place of judgement, this place of good and bad. If you look at your good times you can find a downside to each experience if you opened your eyes to that. Vise versa if you looked back on your negative experiences you can see the silver lining if you choose to see that. It's all in the perception. So is it a choice between good or bad? Or is everything actually good and bad simultaneously.

Not too long ago I wrote a piece on this being the time of ascension, the time we're we rise above the polarity of good and bad and notice that everything is exactly what it's meant to be in that moment. It's noticing that each and every experience has an upside and a downside and being able to consciously choose how we view it, how we respond to it, and therefore have the ability to choose the reality we live in. We have so much power but we decrease that power by lowering ourselves to a space of judgement. When we judge something we put that something in a box and confine it, we are almost forcing that thing to remain that limited judgement, we are choosing to keep that thing small. For example when we judge our self as being not smart enough or not pretty enough, or whatever the judgement is we are choosing to keep ourselves in that box. We subconsciously manifest more ways for that to be seen as truth, if it's the judgement of "I'm not pretty" or "I'm ugly, nobody will ever love me" you are creating this reality, you will bring about unflattering qualities, maybe your skin breaks out, maybe you gain weight, you move differently, you act differently, your facial expression shows this belief you hold of yourself, your inner light dims. You are creating this. The awesome thing is that you also have the power to change your beliefs, to change your reality, how you view yourself and the world, if you wish.

When I was in my adolescent years I was so depressed, I saw myself as ugly, unworthy of love and acceptance, as a loner, I felt the world was out to get me and as if nothing ever went right for me. And guess what... this showed up in my reality again and again and again. I was miserable and I saw misery everywhere I went. I was locked in this tiny limited box, and no matter what anyone said or did I only heard and saw what I wanted to, I only saw the misery.

Then one day I decided there had to be more to life, that I was done being so f***ing miserable and I was going to find something to live for, I was going to find the meaning of life. I'm not going to lie I'm still on that journey, I still have my low moments, challenges, times where I feel I hate the world and don't want to be here anymore but I know deep down that it's temporary, that there's so much to be experienced, so much to learn, so many sensations that we get to experience that we rarely appreciate, like the taste of food, that amazing feeling when you get into a bed after you've just put fresh sheets on, cooking and discovering new flavours, the abundance of places to see and visit, things to do, the list is so abundant and so are you. I shifted from a will to die to a will to live, the desire to discover more to life gave me my life back. I started seeing the world so brightly, so abundantly, I saw possibility, and I experienced excitement, I went on this roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and lows, challenges and achievements, suffering and ecstasy and although at times I lose myself and I wonder if it's all really worth it but deep down I have this inner knowing that it truly is and there's still so much more to experience. I had to make this decision for myself, no one could force me to wake up, to see the beauty in myself and the world, and this decision is also yours to make.

Everything comes back to how we perceive it. What we choose to see and what we choose to create, I believe we have a destiny, a purpose for being here, and there are specific challenges we need to go through individually in order to learn the lessons we came here to learn but I also believe in free will, and I believe that there is a huge part of life that is like a blank canvas just waiting for us to pick up the brush and to consciously choose what we paint, to choose what reality we create for ourselves.

When we judge ourselves, others, the world, experiences and whatever else, we lower our vibration and we limit ourselves. By releasing judgement we open ourselves up to higher levels of consciousness, we create space for creativity and shift to a space where we can rediscover our power to create our reality. As a collective we can come together, accept one another, forgive, and live in harmony. It will take work, I'm still working on releasing judgements I hold onto. By practicing we stretch our minds more and more, we open more and more and we can discover a whole new world. We can live in a world where instead of dreading getting out of bed in the morning to go to that job we hate, we're jumping out of bed with glee and excitement for the day ahead, heading to a job or a project or a trip that we're so looking forward to, spending time with the people we actually want to be spending it with. Don't coast through life and wind up on your deathbed full of regret.

In this current time I'm noticing a lot of negative things that have been going on for quite some time coming to light, things that many of us would prefer to remain ignorant to. Corruption and lies are revealing themselves and beginning to collapse. Things like what's really in vaccines, like the extent to which child sex trafficking has been allowed for cult rituals, the truth about covid, The manipulation and lies that we're told about the need for drugs, radiation and surgery to cure ourselves when really we have the ability to heal ourselves. There is so much out there that has been hidden from us and is now coming to light. I'm discovering things that I never would've thought were actually happening, partly because it's so painful to think about that I've subconsciously chosen to remain blind, but it's time we all saw the truth and came together to make the necessary changes. It's important to know that it's all happening for a reason and the Universe ALWAYS has a plan. It can be easy to get stuck into the blame game and stuck in judging others but know that there's always more than one side to every story, and there is always a reason for what is happening. This isn't saying that it's okay what some people are doing, some beings are participating in some truly evil acts... but does that mean their evil? Does that mean their soul is evil? Can a soul be evil? How do we know they're not being manipulated, how do we know they're not living in fear themselves. If you think about every time you've acted out, was it not coming from a place of pain... maybe these beings who are acting out in evil ways are in such deep, deep pain themselves that they're not even aware of. This of course does NOT make their actions right, but doesn't not bring up feelings of compassion within you?There are so many possible reasons why beings choose do the things they do, that we just don't truly know the reason why certain things first came about and why they have been allowed for so long. Do we really have the right to judge? Is judging those beings really helping us or the world? Is it making a difference? Or is it just keeping us at a low vibration? Keeping us from ascension? Keeping us from coming together...

Our choices and actions do not change the fact that we are all part of the Universe, we are all one and by rejecting and judging others we are rejecting and judging parts of ourselves. By rising above this judgement and this hate we may feel towards others, by learning to forgive and express compassion we can raise the consciousness of ourselves, of others, of the planet, and of the Universe. This is definitely not an easy thing to do, and it's definitely NOT condoning the behaviour of others, it's not saying that we shouldn't act, or speak up. What I'm saying, or asking, is can we uncover the truth, can we make the necessary changes, put a stop to the terrible, terrible acts that are happening all over the world as well as find it in our hearts to forgive and rise above the hate, to let go of the judgement that holds us down? Can we stop fighting in hopes we will achieve peace. We're fighting each other and we're remaining separated and divided. Can we open our hearts and bring about peace by coming together, by accepting one another, and by lifting one another up instead of tearing one another down in the fight to success and power. We all have incredible power inside of us, we don't need to fight others for it, people can only take your power if you allow them to, fighting is one of the ways we lose our power. Competition leads to a winner and a loser, it's very possible for us all to have the life we dream of if we would just stop competing and fighting against each other, and acknowledge that there is more than enough for everyone.

We are all different, we come from a different place, our skin may be a different colour, our voices may sound different, our personality and our past experiences are different, our hopes and dreams are different and that's OKAY! Why judge someone because they're black or white, because they have different hair, because they have excessive body hair, because you think they're overweight, because they have an accent or you can't understand them... There are so many reasons why we judge each other and why we judge ourselves, many of us try to cosmetically change ourselves or put our body through such trauma of forcing ourselves to throw up or workout until we pass out, refuse to eat or constantly overeat. WHY? Why do we do this... Are we trying to look the same or act the same as someone else so we fit in? If everyone was the same then life would be very, very boring. We can learn from one another, we can enjoy what someone else has experienced in their life, if we all did the same thing, can you imagine how boring the conversations would be, how boring our interactions would be. Seriously, can we not just let people be who they are, let them be who they want to be, and can we not give ourselves the same permission. Can we stop living out of fear and start living by jumping out of bed in the morning eager to see what the day is going to bring, can we hug more, love more, express more, show our true selves and live in harmony? Doesn't mean you're going to get along with everyone, that you have to spend time with people that you don't particularly enjoy spending time with, it doesn't mean people won't challenge you, it doesn't mean that something someone does won't upset you or make you angry. Without being challenged we don't learn, grow, and evolve but by allowing yourself and others to just be themselves without your constant critique you won't get trapped in your limited mind, you can notice that when you get angry at someone's actions that's actually something you need to deal with, there's a lesson there for you to learn, it really has nothing to do with them. Maybe if someone is constantly a downer or you just don't enjoy their company you have the power to choose not to hang out with them, but ask why that person triggers you, open yourself to the lessons you are being given, choose to grow and evolve rather than blame and remain ignorant and small minded. All in all we may have many noticeable differences but we are all equal, we are all worthy. Something Ram Das said really got me thinking... When you see different types of trees, tall short, thick, thin, we see the beauty in all of them, why don't we look at humans that way...

There's an amazing world out there for you to discover and experience, don't hold yourself back by judging. Instead of choosing to feel hate, choose to feel love. Instead of choosing judgement, choose acceptance. Instead of choosing to stay in a job that makes you miserable because you've judged yourself as not being good enough or deserving of something more, choose to be worthy, choose to deserving of the life you yearn for.

The truth is we are all worthy and deserving of love and acceptance so start by gifting that to yourself and then spread that love and acceptance to your loved ones, to your community, and to the world. Hate will not help us to ascend or to create a harmonious world, Love will. Love is where our power is, remember that.