Surrender

Many of us have heard of Surrender but what really is it and how does one do it?

When you’re so used to being in control, attempting to control, or feeling out of control it can be hard to fully let go and know that you will be safe, that you will survive the process, that you will be loved and accepted and not judged.

Surrender has been one of my biggest lessons in life. For years i read books on surrender and i could never figure out how to put this into practice. How to actually surrender physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. How to trust the process of life, how to trust myself and how to trust in general. I was so afraid that if i let go i would not survive. The pain i was holding inside was too much to bare and it felt like it would swallow me whole and i would never see the light of day again, and so i continued to suppress myself, i continued to attempt full control over myself, my life and my emotions.

This created much dis-harmony and dis-ease in my life. I would try to spiritually bypass my emotions through positive thinking, yoga, reading books, and anything i could use to avoid what i was really feeling but also trick myself into thinking i was doing good and moving forwards. When that didn’t work i would fall into dark holes, depressive states and experience intense anxiety and panic attacks, and so i would turn to alcohol and partying to numb the feelings that overwhelmed me. I would party for days on end until i passed out and could barely remember how i got home, this was an incredibly painful and challenging time in my life. Months later i would pick myself up and try the “spiritual” path again only to fall on my face and sink to the lowest of lows. This went on for years.

I demanded the Universe to tell me how to Surrender, to give me steps 1, 2 & 3. “Just tell me how to do it!” i pleaded. I felt frustrated, unheard and alone.

When i stumbled into my very first breathwork session i got a mere glimpse of just what i was holding inside, and i experienced Surrender for the very first time. Shortly after, i met my partner Liam, and something shifted for me. I finally felt like i had a safe space to face my demons and my shadows. I began to really see my sabotaging patterns and avoidance strategies and could no longer hide. He reflected to me exactly what i needed to see.

My next step on this journey was attending a Breathwork Practitioner training in 2019 where i really dove deep into Surrender and finally giving myself permission to feel in the safest container i have ever experienced. This training completely changed my life.

And that brings me back to my initial question…

What is Surrender?

For me Surrender is closely linked to the permission to feel and the softening that happens physically, mentally and emotionally as you feel what’s being held inside. To let go of control and let yourself be seen, heard, felt and expressed authentically and unapologetically. The dissolving of the energetic walls of protection, the laying down of any masks that hide who you truly are. You feel the softening in your body, mind and spirit.

Have you ever felt that intense resistance as you choke back tears holding them in desperately until you cant anymore and it just bursts out? And then you just let it all out and you feel your body relax… This is Surrender.

But what if you didn’t have to choke back the tears anymore? What if you could express yourself fully, authentically and unapologetically and experience conscious and intentional surrender that feels LIBERATING & Uplifting?

Surrender has been one of my biggest challenges coming from an inability to trust which links back to childhood trauma. Breathwork supported me in creating a safe space to fully let go and feel all of my emotions without wronging myself for having any of them. Expressing myself in the past always made me feel worse, embarrassed and ashamed, crying and talking about my “problems” made me more depressed. Now i really feel the liberation of expressing myself, i feel expanded, open and EXCITED! Because I’ve stopped wronging myself and shaming myself for feeling and I have learned to give myself full permission to feel what’s inside.

Take a moment here to close down your eyes and take 3 full breaths into your belly, sigh on the exhale.

Notice what sensations are present for you in your body as you read this.

Do you feel any areas of tightness or contraction? What area stands out?

I invite you to breathe into this area and fully feel this contraction without wronging it.

Is there an emotion attached to this sensation? Can you allow yourself to feel it?

And now take 3 more full breaths into the belly, sighing on the exhale and allow some sound to come out as you exhale, a tone or moan or a deep sigh, allow the vibration of your voice to release the contracted energy and feel the softening taking place. This is surrender.

It may be very subtle but this is one way you can experience surrender. Practice as often as you like to make the feeling of surrender more familiar to you and notice how the experience deepens with continuous practice. It’s okay if you don’t feel it straight away, repeat the practice and notice the subtleties, all the sensations. You may also notice that after practicing this a few times there may be an unexpected burst of emotion that comes out. This is surrender. It doesn’t always happen as we’re doing the conscious practice it often comes when we are not focused on it, not forcing it.

When i gave birth to my son Theos, i experienced the deepest surrender of my life.

The birth didn’t go to “plan” and i was faced with a decision that broke my heart but i knew it’s what i needed to do to for the safety of my baby and myself. I remember the moment vividly as if it were happening right now as i right this. My heart sank and i knew what i needed to do, this took all the strength and courage within me and i trusted that we would be okay. I knew i had everything i needed within me to heal and recover from anything that played out moving forwards. Going into the hospital i was in the worst pain i had ever experienced. I breathed as fully and deeply as i could through the contractions and back pain. The tremors over took my body as i released traumatic and stressful energy as it was happening. I screamed and moaned so loudly, i didn’t care who could hear me. I was in my power and no one was going to stop me. I felt it all and i expressed my experience fully. This is Surrender.

Surrender comes in many forms..

When you’re running late and you get stuck in traffic and there seems to be nothing you can do to change the circumstances.. You take a few deep breaths, you accept the situation and trust that it’s all going to be okay, the stress hormones flowing through you settle, your muscles relax and you sink into a state of ease. This is Surrender.

You get into a heated argument with someone you love and you say some things you didn’t really mean, they storm out of the house and slam the door. Your drop to the floor and cry, you moan and wale and let your emotions be fully expressed through movement and sound. You begin to calm down and find your breath, you remind yourself that everything is okay, you’re okay. You take some deep breaths, sighing on the out breath, hand on heart, you bring into your awareness things that you’re grateful for. Your heart softens, your body relaxes, you experience inner peace. This is Surrender.

Take a moment, close down your eyes.

Take 3 full breaths into your belly, sighing on the exhale.

Ask yourself… when in my life have i experienced Surrender?

Notice what comes up…

Notice all the sensations that arise in your body…

These small practices of allowing space to simply notice your sensations supports you in reconnecting with yourself and your physicality and in becoming more attuned to the sensations and what they mean for you. These practices will help you become more familiar with the feeling of surrender allowing you to go deeper with continuous practice.

This month we will be focusing on Surrender.

Exploring the gentle softening as you let go of what is not truly you and what is not serving you. This is an incredibly POWERFUL month in our Flying Spirit Online Community, we will be exploring intention setting, conscious movement, guided meditation, breathwork and cacao ceremony with focus around Surrender and opening yourself up to trust the process of life.