Navigating Anxiety.
Tips and tricks I've used along my journey to understand and significantly reduce the feelings of anxiety.
From a young age I struggled with anxiety, although I didn't realise at the time that, that was what it was... I just thought it was me, who I was, and who I was going to be forever. I was absolutely miserable and terrified to speak, I would hide behind my smile to show people everything was okay even though it wasn't. I was embarrassed and shameful of who I thought I was. I desperately wanted to speak to those around me, to have friends, to connect, to have someone to talk to but I just didn't know how... Something in me would stop me, I felt as if there were hands around my neck choking me and I just couldn't manage to get the words out. I was almost practically mute, and the other kids thought it was funny to try and get me to say a single word. The constant focus and attention I got because of it increased the feelings of anxiety and made me even more embarrassed, I just wanted to disappear.
Drinking alcohol was the norm in my family, and at the age of 16 I began drinking as well. I noticed how much easier it was to speak when I drank and it was absolutely liberating! I was so much happier after a couple of drinks, like I could be whoever I wanted to be and finally found my voice. I began to rely on alcohol in order to speak to my family and friends and when I was 17 I began having "gatherings" every Friday night. It started out with just a few friends and each Friday night the numbers would grow until almost the whole of my year was coming. I felt I had to be at least tipsy before everyone came over so I was able to speak and not be embarrassed. I would have the best time every Friday night, it was my chance to shine and show everyone who I was, or who I wanted to be, I was able to connect and have fun. It was getting to the point where they were getting out of hand in the sense I would take it too far and be absolutely smashed by 9/10pm and was just not healthy but what else was I going to do?
I started dating Robert just before I turned 18 and my alcohol intake and partying dramatically decreased. I exchanged my addiction for alcohol for a love addiction, I became possessive and wanted to spend all of my time with just him. I was needy and clingy and suffocating but what else was I going to do to fill the void and mask the feelings of anxiety? We dated for a year before it just became too toxic to stay in the relationship for both of us. I was devastated but I knew it was the right thing for both of us.
And that's where it all began to change...
The ending of my first in-love experience hit me hard and switched on a light inside of me. I had been struggling with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts for most of my life and it was time to do something about it. I finally had reached my breaking point, I asked the Universe to send me something to live for. The very next day my sister Audrey came over and said she was heading over to The Blue Buddha to have a look at some books, I saw this as my opportunity and I decided to tag along. I purchased three books that stood out for me, the first book was too outrageous and brought up feelings of anxiety so I put it down. The second book was too scientific and I didn't understand what they were trying to say so again I put the book down. Last chance, the third book, The Celestine Prophecy, OMG! It was exactly what I was looking for. This book changed EVERYTHING! It gave me a new perspective on life, a new way of seeing the world. I hadn't been much of a reader before this but I now had a new HEALTHY addiction and I was f***ing over the moon!
I began this new journey 5 years ago by taking the simple step of asking a higher power for help and being open to receive that help. I began reading book after book, and did research on the Law of Attraction. Books recommended by the Universe were showing up for me because I was present to see them, opportunities were gracing me with their presence because I was finally open to receiving them. It was as if I had been let out of my own self-made prison and I was loving it!
Now this was just the beginning for me... We all start somewhere and each of us has a different path and journey. For me it took me to lose someone I really cared about to realise there was a problem and I finally asked for help. The Universe will help those who want to be helped. Many of us, myself included, try to help others that don't really want to be helped and then think of ourselves as failures. Over the years, I have realised the best way to help others is to first help yourself and to live from your authentic self... Teach and show others the way by being the example.
Tips & Tricks for dealing with Anxiety:
Q: What is your current problem/challenge that you are struggling with? What is triggering the feelings of anxiety for you? Is it work, a relationship, speaking to others... It could multiple things, write whatever comes to mind.
Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed, a place that helps you get into a calm state, or as calm as possible, maybe out in nature or in your room surrounded by your things. Say a prayer, in your mind or aloud, and ask the Universe, God, or whomever you believe to be a higher power, for guidance. I asked the Universe to give me something to live for. Your question can be anything, maybe specific to your chosen challenge or for general guidance, or a sign to help you with making an important decision. Every time I have asked the Universe a question it has been answered within a couple of days, give it time, you may not receive your answers right away.
Get yourself a Gratitude Journal! Each morning you wake up, open your journal and write down 5 things you are grateful for. There are days when I'm feeling so low it can be hard to think of even one thing, so what I do is go back to basics and be thankful for things like having a roof over my head, a warm bed, food in my belly, the sun coming up, things we take for granted. Once you write down 1 or 2 things you'll find more stuff comes popping up, as if you've opened a door within yourself and all this gratitude comes flooding out.
Meditation is a biggie! Yes this one can be tough when you first start out, if I'm honest there are still times that I struggle, when I'm overwhelmed or highly stressed or even just excited and flooding with new ideas I can struggle to switch my mind off and sink into my body. Anxiety comes from the mind, when we are overthinking, over analysing, and focused on the future. Meditation helps to quiet the mind and gives you the time to process and reflect on what's going on for you. It's also allowing for important messages and guidance to come through. Without quietening the mind the questions you've been asking the Universe will struggle to come through, and you may very well miss them. A few options to help with getting started is to grab a copy of my ebook Learn to Meditate or jump onto my YouTube channel and listen to the guided meditation videos.
GET MOVING! Physically. Usually when we're anxious or depressed we tend to hide away and become stagnant. Our emotions get stored within the body creating pain, tension, and disease. We are energetic beings and we need to move! I started with the gym, a friend of mine was really into it and I thought it would be a good way to get started as well as connect with her. My energy increased dramatically and my happy hormones were releasing like craaazy! I felt incredible. It was tough to begin with, being consistent, and doing the exercises as I'd never done them before, but having Chelsea there as my accountability buddy really helped. I then began taking yoga classes which was incredible at reducing the pain and tension throughout my body. I experiences a lot of back pain and yoga completely removed that pain from my body, I was ECSTATIC! I also took up pole dancing which was really out of my comfort zone and helped me to grow and build confidence as well as got me moving, 2 birds, 1 stone, whoop whoop! If you're really unsure where to start, head over to my YouTube channel and try one of my 30 Day Challenges.
Get an accountability buddy! Maybe you know of someone already or maybe you need to find someone new. Finding someone you can connect with, someone you trust, and can talk to openly about what you're going through and what you plan on doing about it. This isn't a person to complain to and gain sympathy from, this is someone who will pull you up on your BS, someone who will help pick you up when you fall down, who will give you a shoulder to cry on when you need but also a kick up the butt when you need it. But don't take this person for granted, every relationship requires give and take exchange, if you take too much that person will become drained by you and leave, if you give too much you will become drained and need to walk away from the relationship.
Step out of your comfort zone! This one can be a little daunting so start small, baby steps if you need, there is NO rush! For myself, I decided to play a little game a like to call Yes Man. Just like the movie with Jim Carrey, where he says "yes" to, well everything.. We're not quite going to do that but something similar. What are you afraid of? For myself, I was afraid of speaking to people but I desperately wanted friends and to go out and have fun. So I started going out more, I would take a deep breath and do what I was afraid of before I had the chance to overthink and stop myself. I started by talking to those who were in close proximity, for example if I went out with a friend I would speak to those sitting close by, or by the bar, or friends of theirs. When I would go out to a bar, I was the first one on the dance floor, again I took a deep breath and did what I wanted to even though I was afraid. My motto "Say YES before you give yourself the chance to say no." Now this is all relevant to you, what is it YOU want to do? Is there a particular person you've been wanting to connect with, a class you've been wanting to take, a hobby you've wanted to start... What is it that will give your JOY but you've been too afraid to do it? You may want to take baby steps leading up to that and that's OK! Just do something that will get you close to that, something a little out of your comfort zone, that's when we begin to grow!
I think that's probably enough to get you started, I don't want to overwhelm you. There is so many different tips and tricks I have learned over the past 5 years and I intend to share ALL of them with you! If you need any extra help or have any questions at all, gimme a shout info@moniquecarmela.me I'd be more than happy to help you out! This stuff is hard, and no fun doing it alone, so reach out!
I will be posting more tips and tricks along the way so Subscribe to my blog and be notified when future posts are out!
Book Recommendations:
The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield
Way Of The Peaceful Warrior, Dan Millman
The Secret, Rhonda Byrne
Awaken The Shaman Within, Jose Luis Stevens
What's In The Way Is The Way, Mary O'Malley
Ask And It Is Given, Esther and Jerry Hicks