Your language is creating your reality
Where do you put your focus in life?
Is it on what you desire to create or do you focus on what you don’t want, what you dislike or even hate about your current life experience?
Do you focus on what you love about yourself or the problems (what needs to be fixed/healed), or do you find yourself stuck in negative self-talk, criticising and focusing on what you hate about yourself?
Where ever you put your focus, take some time and space here to become curious about what you’re currently focusing on and the thoughts and feelings you have about this focus point?
What do you say to yourself (thoughts or aloud), what do you say to or about others (thoughts and spoken word), how do you feel when you think and say these things?
Is there tension and constriction in your body, or calmness, openness and ease?
There’s no wrong or right here, there’s no need to wrong or shame yourself for whatever you’re focusing on, thinking or saying.. Equally there’s no need to praise yourself if you think your thoughts, words and actions are of good behaviour.
I invite you to become curious without attachment to what it means about you.
It is the conditioned self that causes you to make anything mean something about you.
The conditioned self that was formed in the first 4 years in your life and continues to either strengthen or shift and evolve as you move through life. It is this moulded version of you from internal (the ego) and external forces (people, places, media, school, experiences, trauma, etc).
The conditioned self can cause great suffering in life but it also offers different experiences that can and often do turn into wisdom later in life, beautiful, golden wisdom. It’s often the pain and suffering experienced within the conditioned self that leads us to our great awakening and life mission or purpose.
It’s often our greatest struggle in life that becomes our greatest gift that we may choose or feel guided to share with the world so we can help others in similar situations.
What has been your greatest struggle in life? What experiences has it brought you? What wisdom has it offered, if any?
It can be very easy to get stuck in the conditioned self, like you’re stuck on a loop or on a hamster wheel, playing out the same experience over and over and over, creating deeper pain and long lasting suffering, preventing us from evolving and moving forth on our journey.
One thing that may be keeping you stuck is your language
The thoughts you think, the words you say, the judgements and criticisms or yourself and others, and the associated feelings that come with these. The thoughts create the feelings, the feelings create more thoughts, the thoughts create more feelings and so on.. This strengthens the conditioned self and the pain body.
There is a tendency to try and escape this by numbing out, disassociating and using conditioned coping mechanisms, there may come a time when you begin searching for a solution and trying to fix yourself, feeling like you’re broken and there’s something wrong with you.
And there will come a time when you embark on the healing journey, becoming curious about your experience and allowing space to heal the wounds and begin what’s known as the spiritual awakening.
Coming back to language and how your language can either keep you stuck or propel you forth on your journey
Many of us tend to focus on what we don’t want and wonder why it keeps happening to us again and again.
You are a creator being, I’ve said this many times and it’s worth repeating - YOU ARE A CREATOR BEING - whether you acknowledge it or believe it, it is true. You are creating all of the time whether you’re aware of it or not.
If you are not consciously creating, you are creating unconsciously from your conditioned self, subconscious mind and your repetitive thoughts, words, feelings and actions.
When you become aware of your language you begin to connect the dots to why you are living your current reality, regardless if you love or hate your life or are just okay with it - you are co-creating this experience with the Universe
This can be quite confronting if you’re hearing it for the first time - if you’ve heard this before, I invite you to receive this as a powerful reminder.
The empowering part of this teaching is that if you truly are the creator of your reality and you can see how your thoughts, feelings and actions have co-created this experience then you can also see that you have the power to change it and create something new if you desire to.
If you are in fact the creator of your reality, what kind of reality would you like to consciously create? - ponder that for a moment..
Notice what you feel in your body as you ponder this - excitement, empowerment, joy or is their fear?
Many of us fear our own power and fear we may take advantage of others or others may take advantage of us. You may be afraid that your power has the ability to hurt another or get out of control and so it’s very easy to give your power away, which many do every single day. More on this in a later post.
When you speak in I AM statements, you are owning that identity.
So often I hear people and clients speak with I AM statements that aren’t serving their highest good or supporting what they say they want to create.
For example, when I am working with a client struggling with depression or anxiety, there is a tendency to say “I AM Anxious, I AM an anxious person, MY anxiety, MY depression, I AM depressed”, there is an owning of this identity that says “This is who I AM”, when we own the identity it is incredibly challenging and almost impossible to shift out of that experience and heal what’s creating the depression or anxiety because they’re so attached to it.
Some clients have been on their journey for sometime and wonder why they’re not making any significant shifts, the same thing keeps popping up. This can go something like this “I thought I’d dealt with this, why is it coming back up?” backed up by feelings of disheartenment, hurt, shame (there’s something wrong with me), powerlessness, helplessness, victim, depression and so on.
What are you saying and thinking to yourself, out loud and to others and how is it making you feel?
When you set intentions (if this is something you do), what is your intention focused on? What you desire to create or what you desire to get rid of?
If you’re focusing on what you don’t want when you set your intention, is it coming from a place of “I’m ready to lean into this, feel it and liberate it” (empowered, readiness, strength, courage, surrender), or is it from a place of “I want to get rid of this” (unaccepting, judgemental, pain body, force, control)?
If you’re focusing on what you do desire to create in your intention setting - notice where that’s coming from as well
Often we set intentions from our head and struggle with what follows and can lead us back into the same cycles of negative thinking and feeling
My invitation here is to become curious about your language both positive and negative and the feelings that arise with your language both positive and negative.
This blog post is NOT me saying you need to think and feel positive all of the time (this is bypassing and avoiding, preventing you from healing and consciously creating)
It is an invitation to become curious and shift your language so that it is in alignment with your true experience, true self, and conscious creating.
When you’re feeling low, sad, depressed, anxious, angry, frustrated or some other perceived negative emotion
Or when you’re having negative thoughts
Allow yourself to observe it and allow your language to express it from a place of authenticity and release.
Rather than shutting it down and trying to positive think your way out of it - acknowledge it, express it and become curious
Noticing if this is your truth or if it’s something your feeling in the moment
If you’re feeling triggered because of a deeper wound that is surfacing
For example, when I get frustrated I say I am feeling really frustrated
I may go into why I’m feeling frustrated and notice if I’m projecting onto someone else to avoid a deeper emotion or wound
I don’t deny that I’m frustrated and bypass the experience through affirmations that say the complete opposite, there was a time I would do this and I always felt like I was lying to myself which would lead me down even darker holes.
I let myself feel what I’m feeling in the moment WITHOUT making it mean something about me
Often you get stuck in the negative self-talk or negative emotion pattern because you have made it mean something about you and you continue to believe it. For example shame tends to be attached to the belief that there’s something wrong with me
If you get triggered and lash out or say something which leads to shame, instead of becoming curious and feeling your feelings, taking time for yourself and expressing yourself authentically, there is a tendency to shut down the overwhelming pain and shame around the experience and it becomes stored in the body creating more of the same experience.
If you let yourself feel the shame and the pain of the experience, and become curious about other times you may have felt this and not allowed yourself to feel it, you not only heal the present moment experience but the past experiences as well - you LIBERATE the energy and you can move on from the experience with openness for a new experience.
When you liberate stuck energy and emotion, you create the space to create something new.
Having a negative thought or feeling doesn’t necessarily mean you WILL create more of the same which is often why so many try to jump to positive thinking and feeling without acknowledging or expressing their emotions causing it to get stuck which actually leads to unconscious creating of the thing you are trying to avoid.
For example, if you suppress anger and when it gets triggered you go meditate and repeat positive affirmations of “I am happy, I am powerful, I am light, I am love and so on” but you don’t allow yourself to first feel the anger, that anger gets suppressed in your body and subconscious mind and will actually create and call forth more experiences to trigger the anger so it can be released
It’s not bad to have negative thoughts and emotions - we are human, its part of the experience just as much as the positive thoughts and emotions are.
What I support clients with, is learning how to lean in and embrace all emotion and parts of self and to learn and practice how to express themselves authentically - ALL OF THEMSELVES!!
Not just the “good” parts, all of the parts - When you allow yourself to feel and express your pain, you allow yourself to heal and integrate the emotions and experiences which comes with incredible gifts, wisdom, expansion and growth.
This is how you liberate the energy and actually release it so you can move forth - YOU GOTTA FEEL IT!!
However there is a difference in authentically feeling and expressing yourself and dwelling in emotion and belief around that emotion, this brings us back to what are you making the emotion mean about you - when you are attached to the emotion and the story you’re playing out in your head and reality, it causes you to dwell in the emotion and get stuck.
For example, you may feel depressed and you can say well I am feeling it, I am feeling depressed, why is it not releasing?
My question to you, is how deeply are you allowing yourself to feel your emotions or are you in avoidance, resistance and numbing out or using coping mechanisms, what stories are you telling yourself, what beliefs are you attached to?
You need to unravel the story and core belief around what’s keeping you stuck in this emotion/experience for long periods of time.
This can be challenging when you’re in the eye of the storm, overwhelmed by your emotions and don’t have the tools or know-how to deal with what’s arising. This is why it’s so important to work with someone, to have someone hold space for you as you navigate the heavy waters of emotion, to offer a different perspective and support you in unpacking the stories/beliefs/identities.
This isn’t something we do alone, over my journey I also needed support to get me through the challenging times and understanding what was churning inside of me in order to release it and create a new life.
I invite you to reach out to the support you need and open up to receive it, it may be a friend, support group, mentor or coach, therapist or someone else you resonate with.
If you resonate with me and feel to reach out, please do, it would be my honour to support you.
I invite you to check out my accompanying podcast episode:
Episode 28: Your language is creating your reality
The Good Girl Unleashed Podcast is Available on Google, Apple, Spotify & the Podbean App
Episode 28: Your language is creating your reality. Listen now on Apple, Google & Spotify